Life is not a gas

To say I've had a hard week would be a serious understatement. After the fun of last weekend filling the diesel car with unleaded, my bank balance has taken a small beating and looks to get cut to shreds after the getting the new tenants to my mum's house in Norfolk.

At the start of the week a CORGI registered plumber who'd been asked to check and issue a gas certificate discovered a gas leak. Instead of the simple £60 plus VAT he quoted around £300 to get it right (copper piping and man hours). I was told that the new tenants would start their contract on Wednesday but would be physically moving in on Friday with the a meeting arranged at 3pm to hand over keys and sign-off the inventory with Mark, a mate who did the renovation. The plumber told me he would leave the certificate in the house well before they moved in. At this point I haven't been invoiced for the work.

Tuesday I had arranged to pick up my Ebay winnings from Peacehaven. One of the best bargains yet of the 5 Blu-ray disc set of Blade Runner in special briefcase, movie stills, model car and origami model for £52. I had the Google map of the postcode but after arriving at the address road I'd forgotten to take note of the house number! All I remembered was it was a deci-number i.e. something 30, 40, 50 etc. I tried number 30 and after a couple of minutes of latches and slipper shuffle noises an old geezer in bedrobes answered the door. I tried to explain my prediciment but only got the answer of 'what's an ebay?'. Peacehaven is quite the opposite of Brighton with the majority of people over 70. I tried using the Orange GPRS but no connection and even tried driving around finding a wi-fi sginal. In the end I had to return home and be an hour late.

Back to the 'Rigsby' story, Friday lunchtime came and the estate agent who'd found the tenant rang to say there wasn't a certificate in the house and warned me they wouldn't hand over the keys until the certificate was seen. Okay, so the estate agent is being a little too paranoid but the plumber had let me down. A phonecall, he promises to deliver it within the hour. Estate agent tries again and calls me to say it isn't there. I remind him again and the reason he hadn't done it is because he hasn't got my home address. As the estate agent calls again threatening with serious implications he rolls up and the first drama is solved. Mark shows them around and reports back a nice professional couple from Chorley.

At about 6:00pm I receive a call on my mobile which totally freaks me out. For sentimental reasons I hadn't deleted my mum's home phone number so what seemed to be a call from her was quite unnerving. Obviously, BT had simply re-activated the old number for the house and the new tenants had called with their first problem - no hot water. I set Mark to look at it but he couldn't fix it so had to call the same plumber who must have done something to stop the water warming up. Luckily he was round there quite quickly but a call from the tenant later quickly revealed that he couldn't fix it. From here on the stress starts mounting as the new tenant's patience and friendliness quickly disappear. I assure them I would chase the plumber to get fixed during Saturday.

After quite a sleepless night I was awoken by a call at 8:30am by the tenants again. This time it was really serious with the smell and sound of leaking gas from the porch. Transco had been called and my stress levels had gone up a notch I haven't experienced after a long and demanding conversation. The same plumber was contacted and moaned at which he went straight round to the house. Another call to the tenants revealed that the plumber had been negligent with the acid flux and hadn't wiped it properly causing the leak. Transco guy laid it in thick to him and to other parts of the house like the wiring. Obviously, this was more ammunition for the tenants and another potential time-bomb to sort a different plumber. I tried about 4 different companies before finding a recommended one.

The good news, the new plumber got the hot water working, just. The bad news is that he can't guarantee how reliable it is and quoted me £5000 to replace the whole heating system! Plus the tenants don't trust the certificate issued so more cost.

Renter rest
After the stress and with Kerry still recovering from Ibiza we rented In Bruges. Probably the best film I've seen this year.

On Sunday I was glad of the absence of phonecalls and watched the final few hours of the Olympics. How cringing was the handover from the Brits? For the evening we used a 2for1 deal at the Gourmet Burger Kitchen with Paul and Sarah then went for cocktails finding a great little bar called OM Creations in Kemp Town.

Bank Holiday Monday was our first Peru training sessions with a 6 mile walk from Ditchling Beacon to Pyecombe. Two and a quarter hours in spitty rain and wind.

Our extended holiday continued on Tuesday and to take some of the stress away Kerry spoilt me to a full body massage. Little Ocean was located around the back of Brighton's not so nice end but the place was excellent.

Another black day
To our end mini-holiday I'd booked a Thames Barrier boat trip for Wednesday at 2:30pm. Before we left the house the washing machine commited laundry suicide and might have to get a new one. The boat trip I had planned in London f*cked up royally thanks to some very unhelpful people. Basically we came out at Embankment tube station, asked a local shop where Millennium pier was. We didn't think she gave the right place so asked the next pier's booth who directed us to the other side of the river. We queued up for 20 minutes until 5 minutes before we were supposed to get on the boat. I even showed a manager the email I received and he said to wait in the queue. Finally we get to the front and were told we were at the wrong place so to go to another pier on the same bank. We pegged it for ages but gave up - another location cock-up. A phonecall later and we've been rebooked for another date.

We headed back into town to Convent Garden but came away empty handed. At the tube station I realise I've lost my train/tube ticket! I have to stump up another £4 for the Underground and another £19 for a single to Brighton. Currently feeling very sorry for myself.

P for prepare, party and petrol

Preparation
With Pav's 40th birthday party themed as anything starting with the letter 'P' Kerry had the idea to go as Pav himself in face-mask form. Either everyone thought it was such a great idea or they were too lazy to get an outfit themselves so we made 7 masks on Friday night. Unfortunately I only had a couple of photos of Pav in high resolution so had to lift them from Facebook. We ended up with 6 identical DJ pose Pavs and one 'teethy goon' Pav. Kerry's printer served well with the output glued to cardboard then some chopsticks sawn in half taped to the back.

Party
Pav's party itself, hosted at the Clapham's Artesian Well was a great laugh. The birthday boy had punked himself up whereas there were a fair share of police, pirates, more punks, a Playboy bunny, a couple of priests (special mention to Jake for his Father Ted outfit), oh and a pimp. The winner of the competition was a Primadonna but slightly confused by Pav's speech to say there was a second prize but never announced it or awarded a prize. Thanks to great Blue Peter style trick I created a flash diffuser from a plastic milk carton with quite pleasing results though kept losing it whilst jigging about. Kerry had picked up a friendly stranger called Paddy whilst outside smoking. In fact everyone at the party knew him from night. Whilst he was digging a hole (conversational) about chatting her up we saw some biker get nicked by the real police outside at the traffic lights.

Petrol
We left before 3am sharing a taxi with Trev and new Thai lady, Pom to collect the car at Kev and Karol's then gave them a lift back at Coulsdon. Driving back to Trev's was no problem but knew we had to refuel for diesel before the last leg to Brighton as we only had 20 miles of diesel. We stopped at a BP and I instantly used the pump next to the Unleaded. After £20 worth I immediately realised my mistake. The nozzle I had picked up was in fact Ultimate Unleaded not diesel! Luckily I hadn't started the engine so left the car as it was next to pump and told anyone who came up behind me. Kerry took quite well but was more concerned at needing the toilet which the petrol station guy wouldn't let us in. We rang the RAC and at first would only tow us upto 10 miles as it was driver fault. A second call asked if they could recover us for an extra cost which they did for £150. The petrol station assistant took pity on Kerry (or me) and let her in to use the loo but she had to hide from other customers until they went.

Peckham
An hour later and the recovery lorry collects us. Incredibly the recovery guy says he had to drive from Peckham as he was the only operator in the area then moaned that he wouldn't make his bonus or get overtime for the job. He also had a permanent limp which turned on the guilt. We got back about 6am. The recovery driver told me that it was quite a common thing to happen with the wrong fuel especially with men and even more common with ambulance drivers and the Police.

Pain (in wallet)
After a few hours kip I looked up what type of damage I could expect. Garage fees ranged from £150 to £400, if the engine had started and unleaded used even more, a lot more! I managed to contact my dad, who knows a thing or two about cars. He'd done the same thing himself but had driven the van over 100 miles with the wrong fuel. His tip was to add a litre of oil to the tank (as diesel acts as a lubricant as well) then fill the rest with diesel. Since I hadn't started the car there was still diesel in the pump and a nearest station was 0.5 mile away. I had to drive another 50 miles at low revs to check if it was ok. A few jiggy moments and stalling when braking for junctions but otherwise it went well. Another few hundred miles topping up the tank will sort it out.

The little people

You might have seen the snail art in the newspapers but this is the official blog of the artist who has a Lilliput/Borrowers obsession. There's some mention of a treasure hunt for the 31st August which sounds fun. Also, there's a new book launched for the artwork.

Dark and long

Be prepared for quite an ordinary entry as I summarise a quiet week. You'll be glad to hear that Sasha the cat is back to his normal food-pestering, cupboard-love self and the limp has almost gone. The vet, who's made enough money out of me this year, wrote to say they have a free 'senior' check-up service. He's not quite ready for geriatric care yet.

My mum's house is nearly ready for the new tenants but I won't be seeing any profit just yet with the gas engineer finding a leak and the electrician recommending new earth cables. A scary estimate of £300 plus VAT was downgraded to £80 for the gas side - apparently its been leaking about 4 units a day!

Finally saw The Dark Knight last night. For nearly 3 weeks old and on what should really be a quiet night the cinema was quite full. Its a bit of a marathon to watch and some people (like Kerry) will get bored towards the end. However, there's some amazing set pieces, Heath Ledger performed well, all the characters had alot of depth and backstory, and the story line was ambitious and exciting. There was one slightly cheesy bit (apart from Batman's voice) when the Bat-bike drives up a wall and turns back down again in ultra-speed.

Party NIMBY

I have to admit it but Friday was a bit of a doss (sorry boss if you're reading this). I blame it on 1) having a bar in the building, 2) having a bar with a large TV and 3) the opportunity to see the Olympic opening ceremony. Quite a few others had the same idea as the bar attracted other summer working students and staff. I left after an hour but with no boss and only another team member in the office we set up another PC with the BBC live feed to see the rest. Loved the scroll idea and aerial running man to light the touch.

When I got home I was reminded that the students next door had warned us of their house party which had already started at 4pm. They were quite polite and good-natured even at about 8pm when they spread themselves out to the back and front of the house, introducing themselves and moving cars for us. I predicted with the amount of booze and early start they'd be wasted by 2am but from the look of their eyes they'd already necked a few cheeky ones (if you know what I mean) hence the friendliness. Kev and Karol stayed the night with Paul and Sarah arriving later, and thanks to Kev I was able to use my laptop for DJing. It was more of a catchup session with some good music as background than a party for us as we kept an eye on next door's antics which mostly involved football chanting, sitting on the flat roof, boys happy-slapping and taking a leak in the garden. By 3am we were knackered and went to bed but things were still going on next door. At 5:30am the neighbours were still shouting and banging doors plus the cat was meowing for food. At 9:30am they were still going in and out of doors and shouting in the street which at this point I'd calculated that my sleep deficit had reached an all time low from the previous weekends.

Saturday was Mark's birthday celebration. It was supposed to be on the beach but the British summer didn't fail to bring rain so a rendezvous at Paul & Sarah's builders site was arranged. A good turn out but we couldn't last the distance. The results from Kerry's baking lesson I'd organised on Thursday night went down rather well. There was an auction of promises at a work's do I'd won so treated Kerry. A chocolate sponge cake and lemon meringue pie was made which amazed everyone especially the meringue at it tasted as light as air.

Bit worried about the cat today as he came back limping and a few clumps of hair missing. Last night he just didn't seem interested in food, growled at being handled and looked very, very depressed. Get well soon Sasha!

Queer as Norfolk & Peru Plan

The weekend saw the second year running that we've missed Pride (first being Big Chill). This time a change of events meant having to go to Norfolk to see folks and friends as well as check up on my mum's house. My poor dad told us about his planned bonfire attracting some unnecessary village community interference resulting in numerous visits from locals, a stuck-up council lady, a farmer and the fire brigade. Also, caught up with some quality Norwich shopping with an evening visit to Josh and Christie's.

Since last week we've been planning our Peru holiday for next year. For the first time we'll be doing an organised trip which actually works out cheaper. Using Llama Travel we've finally decided on the following itinerary:

Lima, on the Pacific coast, was the most important and magnificent city in South America for the Spanish. Visit the colonial district and some of the finest museums in the world, with amazing collections of pre-Hispanic treasures.

Cusco, majestic capital of the Inca Empire, is set in a valley 3,300m high in the Andes and has a unique charm and a relaxed atmosphere. Explore the city, a blend of Inca and Spanish styles, then salsa the night away. Visit the nearby Sacred Valley of the Incas. Take a breathtaking trip to Machu Picchu, lost city of the Incas, set in stunning mountain scenery or alternatively, walk the Short Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. Staying in Cusco, you can experience ancient cultures, wonderful scenery, lively festivals and colourful markets. There is also hiking, mountain biking, white water rafting, horse riding, paragliding and even hot air ballooning.

The Amazon Rainforest is the largest expanse of jungle in the world and almost 60 percent of Peru lies in the jungle. The area around Puerto Maldonado is the most biodiverse on the planet. Staying in a jungle lodge, you will explore the rainforest by foot on jungle trails, and by boat on the river and on ox-bow lakes, have an opportunity to see the wildlife as well as get an insight into the jungle way of life.

A lodge is an excellent way to see the jungle in relative comfort, staying in accommodation made from local materials. All meals in the jungle are included.

The Inca Trail is a spectacular four-day hike starting in the Sacred Valley, rising through the Andes, before descending again to the cloud forest of Machu Picchu. The scenery constantly changes as you climb and descend, and you are rewarded with some of the finest mountain views on earth. There is no better way to arrive at Machu Picchu than on foot at the Sun Gate at dawn, visiting the ruins in the early morning light before most of the tourists arrive. Our trek includes porters to carry everything, including your personal belongings; cooks who prepare a varied menu; tents for your 3 nights on the trail; and a guide who will explain the different Inca sites you pass.Although most people have no problems, the Inca Trail reaches altitudes of 4,200m, so you should have a good level of fitness. A Short Inca Trail option is also available. Recent changes in regulations have limited the number of people allowed on the Inca Trail. Therefore, we recommend booking well in advance.

Arequipa, a UNESCO Cultural World Heritage Site, has an impressive colonial centre largely built of white volcanic rock. A must is a visit to the vast Santa Catalina Convent, founded in 1579, but only opened to the public in 1970. Three immense volcanoes rise above the city, including the near-perfect cone of El Misti, at 5,825m.

The nearby Colca Canyon (pictured), deeper than the Grand Canyon, offers incredible views, as well as one of the best opportunities to see the world's largest flying birds in the wild. Giant condors rise up on the thermals, and, if you are lucky, glide past only metres away.

The The Nazca Lines are 2,000 year-old etchings in the face of the desert. Mystery surrounds these giant images of animals and birds, geometric shapes and straight lines up to 40 miles long. Wonder at the remarkable precision of their creation as you fly over the Lines. Ica is a desert town with a wonderful climate. Being on a river carrying the waters of the Andes through the desert to the Pacific, a stay in Ica means you can see both impressive sand dunes as well the main wine producing area in Peru. Visit the excellent regional museum, with 2,000 year-old textiles, deformed skulls and the finest pottery in Peru. Take a trip to a vineyard and try a delicious pisco sour. Or, being in the desert allows you to try sandboarding or sand buggying down the giant sand dunes. The Ballestas Islands are nearby, home to thousands of sea lions, penguins and sea birds. A boat ride around the islands offers an incredible opportunity to see these wonderful creatures up close, as the sea lions play around your boat.