It's an outrage!

In the immortal words of Tony Harrison, "it's an outrage". If you haven't seen the Sugar Puff advert ripping off the Mighty Boosh's crimping then prepare for a sick feeling of commercialism. No wonder Barrett and Fielding are threatening legal action according to the Sun.

Not a good start to the day for me. Last night I twisted my ankle at capoeira doing a kick, spin, kick snagging the bottom of my jogging bottoms under my foot (I had to bike 1.5 miles home after that). Woke up later then we should and had a million things going on in the space of 15 minutes with a skip being delivered, cars needing to be moved, cat needing feed and cat litter emptied plus the normal getting ready limboing around dust sheets.

Easter eggs and eat my dust

Easter was a family-in-law catch-up 5 hours drive away in Plymouth. Great to see Donna and my niece Morgan playing Picto-chat on her new Nintendo DS. Conversation with a 6 year old wasn't too demanding but it was still fun asking her if chocolate or cake was her favourite.

Back home and we had things to move ready for the builders. Our kitchen/dining room/lounge was going to be transformed into an uber open plan cooking machine! We're now washing our dishes in the bath and learning to like microwave and take-aways. I feel the pounds subtracting from my wallet and adding to my waistline. Can't wait to see the back of the dust. Catch up with the day-to-day photo diary on my FlickR website under House Vs. The Builders.

Venice Day 4

Checked out of the hotel after a very slow, half-awake state then went to check the ferry times for the airport and checked in online for the flight as getting back was high on our minds. After that we didn't have a plan so headed towards the Realto Bridge but saw signs for the Modern Art museum. It was only half open with the more interesting, Oriental arts half closed for renovation. Kerry spotted a Henry Moore (Helmet No. 2) which cheered her up as she'd finally caught my lurgy. Lunch was in a cosy, elevated window seat overlooking the Grand Canal.

With time dragging on (can you tell we've had enough of Venice by now), we had our last cappuccino and slice of very average and over-priced tiramiso in the Caffe de Doge. At this point I was able to compile my Likes and Dislikes of Venice:-

Dislikes

• Over-charging - just tourist tax
• Over-crowded
• Bag Sellers
• Souvenir tat everywhere
• Italian working hours
• Glassware

Likes

• Tall sized cans of Coke
• Coffee is generally better

We took ourselves away from the hustle and bustle to Arsenale for some quiet time and appreciating the too late sunshine before collecting our bags for the airport ferry. The boat ride took a ridiculous 90 minutes.

The airport was quite dull but whilst eating the pasta/dessert/drink combo we were amused by the North of England tourist advert with Liverpool, city of culture being the highlight. I didn't see any scallys with guns mind.

Venice Day 3

Naively thinking they'd be less tourists being a Monday we headed for the Basilica to view the bronze horses and golden frescos. It was the best value yet for entry if you wanted to be bombarded with images of saints, popes, god, Jesus, angels, St. Mark's droopy mouthed lion and all things holy. The downstairs part was shut to the public due to some military memorial so watched the traditional Catholic service from above. The view from the roof was excellent seeing the crowds dicing with the pigeons and we were able to get closer to the infamous bronze horses. Shame I took the 'no cameras and bags' rule seriously and only used my phone to get some shots.

Around the corner is the Doge's Palace for a king's ransom entry at €12. We had to wait for 3 huge groups about 50 deep before being let in. The palace is impressive though with each room outdoing the other with grandness of ceiling frescos getting larger, grander and golder. Another highlight for me was seeing the map room with its mini-empire of trading posts and Marco Polo's travels. There was a map I couldn't work out at all until I looked upside down to realise it was South East Asia the wrong way round.

We shuffled round admiring the OTT ceilings and headed towards the prisons across the Bridge of Sighs or perhaps it should have been 'I've been stitched up gov! It wasn't me really, it was that gondolier fellow' bridge as we saw a postbox outside where Venetians could grass on each other for crimes. The cells were icy cold with draughty passageways spotting some really old graffiti etched into the brickwork. Back over the Doge's Palace was another personal highlight, the Armory with every sword, gun and suit going. This Doge was seriously tooled up.

After lunch I convinced Kerry to join me in the bell tower for some grand Venetian views then returned downstairs to go find an internet cafe so we could look into bringing forward our flights. Boredom was setting in plus we were missing the cat. All i-cafes now ask for your passport before letting you on - all to do with terrorist precautions. BA wanted another £150 more so settled for our 7:50pm flight.

Another long walk around Venice exploring the North discovered very little except for some very ugly coloured bathrobes then eventually reaching the train station. We jumped onto the ferry and headed back down south stopping at one of the bigger churches for a quick look. Nothing compared to the Basilica and about twice as cold as outside inside!

We'd previous booked a restaurant called Centrale under the advise of the hotel for 8pm but first Kerry wanted to experience 'Harry's Bar'. Famous for creating the Bellini cocktail, this place was trapped in a post-war time-warp. Shame the prices were based in the future of extreme inflation! A shot of vodka cost €13 plus there was a cover charge of about 15%!

Centrale was very modern and arty and the food started off really well. Shame the main course was quite bland and over-cooked though maybe our request to wait a bit longer between courses did that.

Venice Day 2

After a crappy nights sleep (not enough pillows and a sniffy cold) and some great breakfast, we ferried over to the glass-blowing island of Murano. It was a bit bumpy and wavy suffering 45 minutes of stomach churning travel. It was a good opportunity to take in the scale of the islands that make up Venice. Muvavoo, sorry Muvano had glass shop after glass shop along the route to the museum, some tacky, others tacky but expensive. We were looking for anywhere with actual glass-blowing but being a Sunday none of them were working.

After some impressive glass art sculptures we find the museum. It was cheap to get in and wasn't really expecting much. The simple glass pieces at the start were a quite unimpressive until you realised they were 1st century. But it was the ceiling fresco, chandeliers and mosiac paintings which took our breath away, all uncredited. The centre-pieces for grand ballroom dinners were quite interesting as well.

Back on the main island we swapped boats for the Grand Canal ferry to look for the Fujiyama Tea House and get some Japanese take on Italian. Sadly the Italian working week got the place ignoring the tourist demand and guidebook. More wandering around we ended in a mediocre cafe for some luke-warm cappuccino. Somehow the gang of sparrows had entered the place.

Next was the Peggy Guggenheim art museum which Kerry was hoping to see some Henry Moore. None was found and my sniffy cold was demanding some hotel rest. A short kip later we prepared for another evening of searching for a decent restaurant. We started in the B-bar, a posh piano place under the Bauer hotel. Lots of respectable English pomping it up plus some very more-ish complimentary nibbles. Instead of taking the €10 cheese on toast option we went on another mini-goose chase for some decent food. A very salty carbonara later we head back to the hotel to end the day and realise how loud the St Mark's Square bell chime off is at midnight.

Venice Day 1

Today we must have used every mode of transport available. We took a taxi to Brighton station for a train to Gatwick. The transfer between terminals was by mono-rail and obviously we flew to Marco Polo airport. The last leg was by motor boat which wiped out €90. Quite expensive compared to the public ferry at €12 but it was fast, comfortable and had a sliding roof so we could stand-up hen night style. It was a dull, overcast grey day which didn't put the floating city in a good light but it was the amount of crappy graffiti that tainted the view. However, the hotel didn't disappoint with our room overlooking a small square and a beautiful church opposite. I kind of expected some street scene ala Stella Artois advert. The shutters looked dark enough for our fussy pitch-black demanding eyes, the curtains were exactly the same pattern as the wallpaper and the hand towels were really posh dish towels – weird.

We got a little lost after exploring without a decent map but seeing the many, many wafer-thin streets, a web of canals and loads of bridges made up for it. Again, the place felt a bit tired, forgotten and run-down plus the sprayed on tagging got tedious after awhile. I just hope the rest of Italy is going to be more looked after. The Diesel clothes shops were rubbish as well with stuff straight out of a Kays catalogue. As the main designer label shops closed, the African dodgy dealers came out with their fake designer handbags.

St.Marks' Square was finally found and was swamped with tourists. I was hoping the time of the year would thin them though put it down to be a weekend as well. Spotted the emergency walkway tables in preparation for any flooding. Lots more walking discovers far too many mask and glassware shops for our liking and the famous Rialto Bridge was just a market stall with steps.

After what seemed hours walking around looking for a decent restaurant which wasn’t too touristy, too limited in choice, had too older clientele or just too bright removing the romance of it. We ended in a place close to the Rialto Bridge which was a mixture of all the above and was full of Brits. The food was quite good and the waiters cheeky and funny. Our view from the table was a hive of activity seeing ferries, gondolas and nearly all the emergency services in boat form. The British couple next to us were quite friendly and full of advice for tipping and haggling for gondolas bragging €20 for 30 minutes. It was their second time to the city (and restaurant) and had come back to get their prized glass ornament repaired they bought on their previous trip. The Bernard Matthews looka-like went on how extremely rare the blue glass and was so proud of it he showed us the printed photo he had in his pocket. We were expecting some kind of amazing, intricate piece of art but were presented with a blue anchor. Ahoy there matey!

We ended the evening with another long walk around the west side of the Grand Canal discovering the local university, a lot of interesting antique and art shops and a little less graffiti.

Your window to Justice

Happy Birthday Karol by way! We couldn't make her meal in swanky London town on Saturday with Kerry still suffering but hear that Karol herself had succumb to the same belly troubles. Hope you're better sis-in-law.

Watched some frogs get frisky with each other on Sunday as we walked round Stanmer Park (as pictured) trying out my new wide-angle lens.

Double-crossing salesman
Last night we were subjected to a sales pitch for some double-glazing. "You buy one ye get one free" as the annoying baldy Northerner says from SafeStyle who got in there first. With Kerry's sales training experience and my own marketing background it was almost embarrassing and was amazed that the same shitty, shifty sales tactics are still being used but dressed up for the 21st century. All we wanted was a quote for a kitchen window and it took 100 minutes. The salesman mentioned we could get a discount for using our window as a website case study then rang the 'marketing' department (just some worthless call centre pleb) to ask what special discount they could do for just us being in the special promotions area - lucky us! Kerry could actually hear the conversation and it was almost a pretend conversation. Later, when we started pressuring him on the price he called them again and used them like an actor has a stage prompt with script. In the end we were thinking about some french doors anyway so gave them the incentive to get a deal. Of course all this just puts you off getting another quote from somewhere else but the quality of the windows were good enough so we'll just negotiate a good price instead.

Justice new video
Love the US TV program themed graphics in this video